| JESUS RETURNS DURING
PATRIOTS-BRONCOS PLAYOFF
|
 GAME
In the form of a 320-pound nose tackle. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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France's Rating Downgraded
From rude to very rude. |
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Pakistan to Arrest Former
President Musharraf Upon His
Return Later This Month
“It's the least we can do,”
says current president. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS . . . |
|
 Military Depending
on Dolphins to Keep Strait of Hormuz Open
Iran vows to retaliate with giant squid. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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Conservatives Rally Behind
Bain Capital
And Marines who urinated on dead Taliban. |
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Keystone Pipeline Advocates Say
Project Will Create 100,000 Jobs
Most of them in oil spill cleanup and
post-traumatic counseling. |
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| REMINDER |
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We can't all be major celebrities. |
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| POLITICS |
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Republicans Poised to Run First
Non-Protestant for President
Unless a Great Wasp Hope suddenly appears. |
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Romney Team Targeted Supporters by Mining
Data on How Much They Spent at Williams-Sonoma
If you bought the fondue set, you got lots of calls. |
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Evangelicals Endorse Santorum
Because “all the others are going to Hell.” |
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