MISCELLANEOUS |
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Japanese
Department Store Sets Sales Records
In one week, store breaks every fuckin' record
for gross receipts. |
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Homicide No Longer Among Top 15
Causes of Death
It's been overtaken by state-ordered execution. |
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Doomsday
Clock Moved 1 Minute Closer to Midnight
It's been running a little slow, says spokesman. |
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POLL |
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Americans 40% Conservative,
21% Liberal
39% Whatever. |
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SPORTS |
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NBA: Clippers Suddenly
Among Top Teams
As predicted by Mayan Calendar. |
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FEATURE |
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Rick Santorum
introduced a bill in Congress to |
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A ) |
ban abortion |
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B ) |
ban atheism |
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C ) |
ban government weather forecasts |
Hint: if you already
know a hurricane is headed your way, where's the fun? |
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RELIGION |
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Church Based on File-Sharing
Recognized as Religion by Sweden
Challenges traditional religions based on suing
copyright infringers up the wazoo. |
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ODDS 'N' ENDS |
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$10 Million
Prize Offered to Inventor of Device That Works
Like Star Trek Tricorder
And cameo in upcoming sequel. |
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