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MERRIAM-WEBSTER NAMES
“SURREAL” WORD OF THE YEAR
Barely beats out “Yikes.” |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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Trump Team Leaks Plan to Impose
5% Tariff on All Foreign Goods
Cost will be passed on to consumers;
proceeds will pay for Trump family
security, border wall, expanding
nuclear arsenal. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS ... |
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 UN Abruptly
Drops “Ambassador" Wonder Woman After Thousands
Sign Petition Calling Her "Large-Breasted White
Woman of Impossible Proportions, Scantily Clad
in a Shimmery, Thigh-Baring Body Suit”
Exactly what had attracted UN to her in the first place. |
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| (Our distinguished panel of psychics, prophets
and prognosticators offer their predictions for the
coming year.) |
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 | Kandu: “Dozens
of highly respected artists will be rounded up, forced into buses and brought to Washington to perform at the inauguration.” |
 | Madame Blavinsky:
“An exchange of tweets between the president and Rosie O'Donnell will
lead to the first use of nuclear weapons since World War II.” |
 | Cassandra:
“A time machine will be successfully demonstrated by the world's
richest man, who made his fortune betting on the 1927 Dempsey-Tunney
fight.” |
 | Nostradamus:
“The first contact with alien beings will be a big story back on
their planet.” |
 Tiresias:
“The Dow will rise, hemlines will drop, and Trump will order martial law.” |
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