S&P HITS ANOTHER
ALL-TIME HIGH
Shown: food banks also hit another all-time
high in number of desperate people. |
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WORLD NEWS |
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Russian Opposition Leader
Falls Ill on Plane
After bad reaction to plutonium poisoning. |
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RELIGION |
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Pence Predicts Miracle
Around the Corner
Vegas pegs Rapture at 1 in 10,
Trump landslide at 1 in 20. |
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PICTURE OF THE WEEK |
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Thousands Seek Relief From
Heat in Wuhan, China
Before returning to fight latest
coronavirus outbreak. |
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U. S. NEWS |
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Bipartisan Senate Committee
Concludes Trump Campaign
Welcomed Russian Hacking Help
Shocking revelation shakes Americans'
faith in democracy to the core,
for about forty seconds. |
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Trump Touts Unproven Drug
Suggested by My Pillow Guy
Says it gives you immunity to virus
and a great night's sleep. |
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REMINDER |
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Ask the heavily armed white men where to vote. |
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Ex-Aide: Trump Once Asked
If He Could Swap Dirty
Puerto Rico for Greenland
Those people use too many paper
towels, he stated. |
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POLITICS |
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Trump Floats
Having to Hold Election Over Again
Until we get it right, he adds. |
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