 FED CHAIR:
WORST ECONOMY IN HISTORY
Trump: “Only I can fix it.” |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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Chinese Doctors Say Virus Can
Be Transmitted Through Sex
Large-scale volunteer trials quickly
commence. |
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| ENVIRONMENT |
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Last Month Tied for
Warmest April on Record
Also cruelest April on record. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS ... |
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 Trump Tours
Mask Factory to Guns N' Roses' “Live
and Let Die”
It's also name of administration's pandemic
strategy. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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Study: Death Toll Would Have
Been Halved Had President
Acted 4 Days Sooner
Sadly, he was distracted by something
he saw on TV. |
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Pence “Not Worried” as
Coronavirus Infects His
Press Secretary
Tells reporters, “we've got plenty of bleach.” |
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| REMINDER |
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History is written by a bunch of losers. |
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Intel Agencies Conclude:
Virus Not Man-Made
However, botched response is. |
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Labor Dept. Issues Worst Jobs
Report in Nation's History
“Trump haters,” Trump tweets. |
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Bezos on Track to Be
First Trillionaire
According to his billionaire assistant. |
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