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| MINUTEMAN BORDER
PATROL CALLED A SUCCESS |
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| Only sour note: all our food must now be
harvested abroad. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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Blair Reelected British Prime
Minister, But Without Much Enthusiasm
Exit polls reveal voters would have
preferred leader who didn't
“manipulate, misrepresent,
lie, bamboozle, hoodwink,
obfuscate, betray and mislead.” |
|
Pakistan: Dozens of Journalists
Arrested on “World Press
Freedom Day”
They'll be released during
“Clampdown on Human Rights”
celebrations next week. |
|
Progress: Kuwait Almost
Passes Measure Giving
Political Rights to Women
Next vote in fifty years. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS |
|
 Texas
Legislature Ponders Ban
on Sexually Suggestive
Cheerleading in High
School
Bill would also rename
Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders
(shown) “The Dallas
Christian Ladies Prayer and
Temperance Circle.” |
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| U. S. NEWS |
|
Classified Report: Military
Readiness At Great Risk Due to Iraq War
Our ability to carry out unprovoked
invasions of other countries has been
severely compromised. |
|
Evolution on Trial in Kansas
Theory to be tested by tying science teachers to
large rocks, throwing them into lake to see if
they float. |
|
Analysis: How President's
“Progressive Indexation”
For Social Security Works
Peter, barely getting by on $38,000 a
year, would receive reduced benefits,
while Paul, eating out of dumpsters on
$15,000 a year, would see no change
whatsoever. |
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REMINDER
Ask your doctor if
Western medicine
is right for you. |
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USDA Considers Mandatory ID
Program For Cows, Pigs, Chickens
Who don't have a valid driver's license. |
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Most Americans Following
Controversy Over Judges Closely
Majority support Paula Abdul. |
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
Man Comatose for 10 Years
Suddenly Awakens
“What happened to the surplus?”
he asks an astonished nurse. |
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