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Ironic Times

 NO. 931 “Expect the Ironic” AUGUST 6 - 12, 2018 

Jul 30
Aug 13
EUROPE SWELTERS UNDER RECORD HEAT WAVE
So hot you could sauté snails on the Champs-Élysées.
 
WORLD NEWS
North Korea Reportedly
Working on New Missiles

Apparently “denuclearization” got translated as “the nuclearization.”
 
NEW PRODUCTS
  Rent-a-JetPak Coming
To a City Near You

Use their app to locate a JetPak, power up, get anywhere in a hurry, leave it where you land, and charge your card. No prior training or written instructions necessary. Liability and catastrophic injury insurance included. Why walk when you can fly? Available everywhere.
U. S. NEWS
Trump Administration
Considers $100 Billion
Tax Cut for Wealthy

To help pay for barricades and moats.
NBC News: Kelly Referred
Repeatedly to Trump as
“an Idiot” in Private

Explains he was trying to clarify what Rex Tillerson meant when he described him as “a fucking moron.”
 
REMINDER
  If they outlaw 3D-printed guns, only outlaws with 3D printers will have them.
 
Trump's Voter Fraud Commission Finds No Voter Fraud
One person named “Stephen A. Bannon” was registered to vote in two states, but they didn't pursue it.
Trump's Proposal to Weaken
Fuel Efficiency Standards
Would Put Additional 1.25
Billion Metric Tons of Carbon
Dioxide into Atmosphere

And create thousands of jobs in the health industry.
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