EUROPE SWELTERS
UNDER RECORD HEAT WAVE
So hot you could sauté snails on the
Champs-Élysées. |
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WORLD NEWS |
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North Korea Reportedly
Working on New Missiles
Apparently denuclearization got translated
as the nuclearization. |
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NEW PRODUCTS |
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Rent-a-JetPak Coming
To a City Near You
Use their app to locate a JetPak,
power up, get anywhere in a hurry,
leave it where you land, and charge
your card. No prior training or
written instructions necessary.
Liability and catastrophic injury
insurance included. Why walk when
you can fly? Available everywhere. |
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U. S. NEWS |
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Trump Administration
Considers $100 Billion
Tax Cut for Wealthy
To help pay for barricades and moats. |
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NBC News: Kelly Referred
Repeatedly to Trump as
an Idiot in Private
Explains he was trying to clarify
what Rex Tillerson meant when he
described him as a fucking moron. |
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REMINDER |
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If they outlaw 3D-printed guns, only
outlaws with 3D printers will have them. |
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Trump's Voter Fraud Commission
Finds No Voter Fraud
One person named Stephen A. Bannon
was registered to vote in two states, but
they didn't pursue it. |
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Trump's Proposal to Weaken
Fuel Efficiency Standards
Would Put Additional 1.25
Billion Metric Tons of Carbon
Dioxide into Atmosphere
And create thousands of jobs in the health industry. |
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