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MARKET GETS READY FOR
ANOTHER WILD RIDE
Please don't talk to the driver. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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Report: U.S. Has Emergency
Plan to Seize All of Pakistan's
Nuclear Weapons
They would be wrapped in sheets and
dumped into Arabian Sea. |
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China Orders Media to Ignore
Bullet Train Catastrophe
Asks for more whimsical pieces about last
party congress. |
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Royals Living Frugally:
Newlyweds William, Catherine Fly Coach
Accept $400 for getting bumped. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS |
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Saudi
Arabia to Build World's Tallest
Building
Architect's model will be 14th
tallest.
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| U. S. NEWS |
|
Standard and Poor's Downgrades
Our Credit Rating
Calls us gonifs. |
|
Dow Tumbles 513 Points on
Thursday
Oil, gas down; gold, ramen up. |
|
30th Anniversary of Last
Double-Dip Recession Honored
With a double-dip recession. |
| |
| REMINDER |
| |
Today's
jobless are tomorrow's
long-term unemployed. |
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Mysterious Firm Gives Romney
Campaign $1 Million, Then Dissolves
Candidate says, “I have always
depended on the kindness of
strangers.” |
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Sales of Luxury Goods Soar
Sales of necessities plummet. |
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| POLLS |
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CNN Poll Shows Congress’
Approval Now at 14%
Slightly below Al Qaeda. |
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