| |
CHENEY
RESCUED FROM BUNKER
Emerges in good shape,
ready to resume regular
schedule. |
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|
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| WORLD NEWS |
 |
Parisians Start Annual August
Holiday
Replaced by actors with French accents,
bad attitudes. |
|
Al Qaeda Announces Name
Change
Terrorist organization, fighting negative
publicity, is now QaedaOne. |
| |
| RELIGION |
|
Vatican
Portrait of First
Indigenous Latin American
Saint Angers Many
Depiction of 17th Century
Indian Juan Diego
doesn't look at all
like him, say critics. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS . . . |
|
Trilateral
Commission, Illuminati,
Masons Meet at Bohemian Club
Decide fate of mankind. |
|
| U. S. NEWS |
|
GOP: We're Winning Drug
War
Fewer seniors able to get them. |
|
War Looming, Economy Crashing,
Deficit Soaring, Environment Collapsing
Congress, President take well-earned vacation. |
|
Senate Vote Gives Bush
Fast-Track Layoff Powers
Should streamline process of putting
Americans out of work. |
| |
REMINDER
Change the batteries
on all your sexual
devices every six months. |
|
|
| |
|
Latest Labor Statistics: Only 1
New Job Created in July
The White House added another spin
doctor. |
| |
| POLITICS |
|
Traficant Will Run Again from
Prison
Will represent nation's business leaders. |
|
Democrats Hope to Gain 30 to
40 Seats in Mid-Term Elections
"We're less mistrusted than the
Republicans," says a party
spokesman. |
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