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STATE OF THE UNION: TRUMP PROMISES
BOLD NEW PLAN TO REPAIR NATION'S
BRIDGES, HIGHWAYS, TUNNELS
And make Mexico pay for it. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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Canada Makes Its National
Anthem Gender Neutral
Totally new LGBTQ-friendly national
anthem planned for 2019. |
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Winter Olympics Will Feature
Combined North, South Korean Hockey Teams
As a gesture of friendship, they exhange teeth. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS ... |
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 DHS Releases
Video Simulation Drills for Active School
Shooters
Schools, shooters alike can now prepare
for upcoming massacre. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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Trump Decides Not to Impose
Additional Sanctions on Russia
May have to live there some day. |
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Another Attempt to Intercept a
Ballistic Missile Failed in Hawaii
Hawaiians, already jittery, consider
moving to Cleveland. |
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| REMINDER |
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Money can't buy happiness, but
it can buy silence. |
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Head of CDC Resigns After
Revelation She Bought Tobacco
Stock While in Office
And then, when stock soared, she handed out cigars. |
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Study: Americans Staying Home More,
Saving Energy
Boarding up windows, shutting off gas, electricity,
eating cat food. |
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| POLITICS |
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 Trump: My
State of the Union Address Had Largest
Viewing Audience Ever
When you include the Russians. |
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