 FAKE SIGN LANGUAGE
INTERPRETER FROM MANDELA
MEMORIAL HIRED BY OAKLAND
ATHLETICS
As their third base coach. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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China Lands Probe on Moon
Will soon build two large colonies
connected by high-speed rail. |
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Kim Jong Un Purges Uncle,
Has Him Executed
Replaces him with Dennis Rodman's uncle. |
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India Makes Homosexuality
A Crime Again
Except for arranged same-sex marriages. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS ... |
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 Playboy Turns 60
Originally aimed at 30-year-old bachelors
seeking the good life, it now appeals to
90-year-old bachelors seeking the good life. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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House Passes Bipartisan Budget
Republicans reluctantly agree to cuts
in bloated military projects, while
Democrats gladly throw poor,
unemployed under bus. |
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House Republicans Criticize Iran Deal
Fear possible outbreak of peace. |
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| REMINDER |
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Somewhere there is someone who
looks just like you and is charging stuff on your credit card. |
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Tech Giants Google, Facebook, Twitter,
Microsoft, Apple, LinkedIn, AOL, Yahoo
Petition Government to End Vast Data
Collection Program
Claim that's what they do. |
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Survey: 54% of Americans Resolve to
Save More in 2014, 19% to Spend Less
Rest will spend freely, curse like sailors,
drink like an Irish poet on a book tour. |
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| LAW |
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Utah Judge Decriminalizes Polygamy
Under intense pressure from his wives. |
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