| |
SHEIK OMAR,
DISGUISED AS SANTA,
ESCAPES FROM JAIL
He's caught a
few hours later, at
Macy's. |
|
 |
|
| WORLD NEWS |
 |
Bin Laden's Last
Defenders
Offering Stiff Resistance
Three wives, ten lookalikes proving tough
to dislodge from Tora Bora. |
|
Bush Decides to Scrap '72
ABM Treaty
U.S. now free to develop costly missile
shield (which occasionally works against
one missile fired in good weather in the
daytime with advance warning). |
|
Geraldo Rivera Survives
Sniper
Attack In Afghanistan
“He can run, but he can't
hide,” says a CNN sharpshooter. |
| |
| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
LAPD
“Patrol Officer
West” Action Figure
Goes on Sale
Comes with guns, fake
incriminating evidence,
Mentally Ill Homeless
Woman Target Figure. |
|
 |
|
|
| U. S. NEWS |
|
Bush Says He Welcomes
Congressional Oversight
Congressional leaders agree to overlook
everything. |
|
Survey: Public Optimistic Heading
Into New Year
When asked, “Do you think you'll
see 2002?” most respond positively. |
|
J.C. Watts to Run Again
Despite Term Limits Pledge Made in '94
Explains promise was made before he, uh,
had more time to, uh, study the issue. |
| |
REMINDER
Western civilization
is on the wane. |
|
|
| |
|
Study: Nation Has Been in
Recession Since March
In depression since May, in quarantine since
September, in police state since October. |
| |
| ENVIRONMENT |
|
Yellowstone National Highway
Completed
Little-noticed eight-lane project approved,
built, by Interior Department on September 12th. |
|
