 WORLD
WELCOMES IN 2013
But can't afford new fireworks. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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Assad's Grip on Syria
Reportedly Slipping
He has fewer followers on Twitter. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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Housing Sector Improves
As visiting relatives finally leave. |
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Outrage After Newspaper
Publishes Map Showing
Location of Gun Owners' Homes
In Hollywood, “Maps to Gun-Owning Stars'
Homes” go on sale. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS ... |
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 World's Longest
High-Speed Rail Line Opens in China
Trip that normally takes a year and a half by ox cart
now just two hours by train. |
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| (Once again our international panel of
experts tells us what to expect in the
next twelve months.) |
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 | Kandu,
mystic (India): “A sun flare-up will wipe out all digital
data on Earth, driving up the price of paper.” |
 | Madame Blavinsky,
psychic (Switzerland): “A Republican lawmaker will be caught
committing the very thing he built a political career opposing,
then apologize to his family and take full responsibility for
his actions.” |
 | Cassandra,
seer (Canada): “A well regulated militia will force McDonald's to
bring back the McRib sandwich.” |
 | The Oracle,
oracle (Delphi): “Some inane music video that makes no sense will go
viral and become a major religion.” |
 | Titan,
supercomputer (Oak Ridge, TN): “Look for hemlines to rise.” |
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