 PANETTA TELLS
TROOPS WE'RE WINNING WAR IN AFGHANISTAN
Like we won in Iraq. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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Russian Billionaire, Owner of
NBA's New Jersey Nets, to
Challenge Putin in 2012
If he wins, David Stern says he'll invalidate election. |
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Saudi Report: Letting Women Drive
Would Lead to Promiscuity
And promiscuity would lead to more
stonings and “nobody wants to see that.” |
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India Leads World Top 10 in
Shoplifting
U.S. 10th, but with a bullet. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS . . . |
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 Global Action on
Climate Change Postponed
Reflecting consensus that it is already too late. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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One in Two Americans Poor
Or Low-Income
Half of those surveyed asked for spare change. |
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Percentage of Married Americans
Drops to All-Time Low
Experts blame the Kardashians. |
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| REMINDER |
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The check is in the snail mail. |
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Bad News: Public No Longer Paying
For Infrastructure Maintenance
Good news: if you're injured in a car accident
and end up in a coma, you'll be kept alive in a
vegetative state for years at public expense. |
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Last American Troops Leave Iraq
Last American contractors to leave in 2034. |
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| FACTOID |
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Top 1% of Top 1% Account for One Third
of All Political Contributions
And they're brothers. |
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