| WORLD NEWS |
| POPE BENEDICT XVI MOVES POPE
JOHN PAUL II, PIUS XII CLOSER TO SAINTHOOD |
 John Paul II (left) for his open,
ecumenical spirit; Pius XII
(right) for his holier-than-thou
attitude. |
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| TRAVEL |
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Security Tightened, Eased,
Tightened, as Different Airlines Do
and Don’t Enforce New Rules
Careful plan to frustrate, infuriate all
passengers, including terrorists. |
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Transportation Dept. Imposes
Three-Hour Maximum for
Tarmac Delays
Will continue with two-hour minimum. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS . . . |
|
 Obama
“Aloha” Bobbleheads
Selling Well
Each comes with copy of his birth
certificate. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
|
Colorado Becomes First State
to Lower Minimum Wage
Hopes China will outsource jobs to
Denver. |
|
Obama Tells Spy Agencies:
Share Your Information
Or go to your rooms. |
|
White House Readies Push for
Immigration Reform
Congress prepares for another elevated
debate. |
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| REMINDER |
| |
This is the week to
backdate your stock options. |
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Despite Economy, Crime Falls
Due to discouraged criminals who've given
up looking for crimes to commit. |
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| ENVIRONMENT |
|
World Scientists Admit Global
Warming Hoax
Whole thing started at drunken frat party
at MIT in 1990. |
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Report: Pets Have Greater
Carbon Footprint Than SUVs
Problem could be eased by more SUVs
running over more pets. |
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