 NEW CHIEF OF STAFF
GEN. KELLY REVEALS PLAN TO BRING ORDER TO
CHAOTIC WHITE HOUSE
“Seven AM roll call, push-ups, hospital
corners, lights out at 9PM.” |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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Putin Orders U.S. Cut 755
Embassy Staff
Including spies, spies' assistants, and doorman. |
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Analysts: North Korea Could Have
Nuclear-Tipped ICBM in Six Months
Since making assessment, analysts have moved
from Hawaii to southern Chile. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS ... |
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 Trump Gives
Inspiring Speech to Boy Scout Jamboree
Same one he delivered two years ago at
Friars Club Roast. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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President Criticized for
Deflecting Attention From
His Own Agenda
He came to Washington to insult Rosie O'Donnell. |
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Energy Secretary Perry
Fooled by Prank Call From
“Jerky Boys of Russia”
Spent forty-five minutes giving away atomic secrets. |
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| REMINDER |
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Beware cults of personality disorder. |
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Report: In the United States a
Gun is Stolen Every Two Minutes
At least one in the time it
takes to read this page. |
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 Kid Rock
Announces His Interest in Running
for the Senate in Michigan
As a moderate Republican. |
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