| CONSUMER NEWS |
 |
 Cobras
Smuggled Into Country in Potato Chip Cans
Bet you can't eat just one. |
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| TECHNOLOGY |
|
Dubai Introduces Robot
Police Officer
Will issue tickets to illegally parked driverless cars. |
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| SPORTS |
|
Almost Every Former NFL Player
Examined So Far Has Brain Damage
Thanks to years of thrilling, crowd-pleasing hits. |
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| TRAVEL |
|
 Months After
Videos of Violent Mistreatment of Passengers,
United Reports Big Profits
Passengers willing to put up with occasional
beating to save a few bucks. |
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| “Revenge is a dish which people of
taste prefer to eat cold.” Who said it? |
| A ) | Jeff Sessions on Twitter. |
| B ) | John McCain, on the floor
of the U.S. Senate. |
| C ) | James Comey in a private
aside to Jeff Sessions. |
| D ) | Louis, in the movie
Kind Hearts and Coronets. |
| Hint: A), B), and C) are plausible enough,
even though they're not the correct answers, but partial credit
will be given. |
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| ODDS 'N' ENDS |
 |
 Trump 2005
Sketch of NY Skyline Sells at Auction for
$29,000
To a paunchy man with orange hair. |
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Facing Criticism, Trump to
Give Different Address to
Boy Scouts Next Year
With fewer gay jokes |
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