 POPE BENEDICT XVI GIVES
FINAL BLESSING, RESIGNS
Tells cheering crowd they
can still follow him on Twitter. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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Ailing Chavez Returns to Venezuela
Under Cover of Darkness, Enters
Local Hospital
For his regular checkup, says government spokesman. |
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Berlusconi Accused of Trying to Buy
Votes Days Before Election
From an underage voter. |
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 101-Year-Old
Marathoner Fauja Singh Announces Retirement
Wants to take up kick boxing. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS ... |
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Six Tanks Now Leaking
Radioactive Waste
At Hanford Nuclear Site
So far, only those living within radius of three
thousand miles in danger. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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Audit Shows Federal Reserve Gold in
Manhattan All There, High Quality
Gold will now be transported to next audit site. |
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Mandatory Gun Insurance
Gains Favor on Both Sides
Insurance industry hails it as “a brilliant
solution that should make everyone happy.” |
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| REMINDER |
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In case of sequestration, stay
calm and wait for instructions. |
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Supreme Court to Revisit Campaign
Finance Limits
Why, it will ponder, can't one person, like ExxonMobil,
give as much money as it wants to a candidate. |
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New Sense of Urgency to Cope
With Asteroids Headed Towards Earth
Scientists hastily meet to decide who will,
who won't be allowed in underground bunker. |
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