GAS PRICES COULD HIT
$5 A GALLON BY SUMMER!
If all our friends are overthrown. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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Saudi King Abdullah Passes
Out
$37 Billion to His Subjects
As thanks for not revolting and tossing
him and his family in a large wood
chipper. |
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Government Grimly Holds
On to Capital While Rebels
Control Rest of Country
Will never surrender, vows Karzai. |
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Study: Small Nuclear War
Could Reverse Global Warming
Pssst, India — Pakistan's about to nuke
you. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS . . . |
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 Supreme
Court: Westboro Baptist Church
Protesters Within Their Rights
As long as they keep their
clothes on. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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House Republicans Call for
National Identity Card
It would allow officials at various
points of entry to determine whether or
not you're a Republican. |
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Wisconsin Republicans Want to
Make Prank Calls a Crime
Or at least establish a Do Not Prank Call
list. |
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| REMINDER |
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Return
what you were paid to
perform for Qaddafi. |
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Government Drops Defense of
Defense of Marriage Act
Violates rule against double negatives. |
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House GOP Wants to Cut IRS
Budget for Audits
In nod to tax cheater base. |
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| POLITICS |
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Evangelists Forgive Gingrich,
Themselves for Adultery, Lying
While attacking others who don’t
meet high moral standards. |
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