 FORMER
PRESIDENT BUSH REPORTEDLY
SUICIDAL ABOUT SON'S FAILED
PRESIDENCY
Secret Service removes
cylinder from his handgun. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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U.S. Claims Leader of Al Qaeda-
Affiliated Group in Iraq Only an Actor
“I'm not a real terrorist, but I play one on
TV,” he admits. |
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Huge Ancient Underground Reservoir
Discovered Beneath Darfur
But it's water, not oil, so U.S. not interested. |
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| POLITICS |
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Poll: “None of the Above”
Leads GOP Race
Closely followed by “They're All the
Same” and “Not Another Rich
White Guy.” |
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
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Senate Pulls
Another All-Nighter
This time just for fun. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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Poll: 3% Say War Going “Very
Well”
Remaining 97% say it's an “unmitigated
disaster that could lead to World War III.” |
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Halliburton Charged $110 Million for
Food, Housing, Laundry at Bases Which
Had Already Closed
Vice President promises thorough investigation. |
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| REMINDER |
| Don't drink and drive and text message. |
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Authors of 2007 National Intelligence
Estimate Sued for Plagiarism
By authors of 2001 National Intelligence Estimate. |
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Paper Obtains, Releases Logs of
Cheney's Energy Task Force
To everyone's surprise, he only met with
conservationists, environmentalists and nudists. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS . . . |
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Bush Briefly Transfers
Power to Cheney During Colonoscopy
Cheney launches invasion of Iran but suffers mild
heart attack and is forced to transfer power to Nancy
Pelosi who orders troops out of Iran and Iraq, closes
Guantanamo, ends warrantless wiretapping and fires
Alberto Gonzales, but Cheney recovers, voids her
actions and is about to launch invasion again when
Bush comes out of anesthesia and resumes control. |
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