 BUSH
APPROVAL RATING LOWEST SINCE
NIXON
73% say they wouldn't buy used
car from him. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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Chavez: Castro “Almost
Jogging”
Also almost chewing. |
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Iran: Ahmadinejad's
Popularity Waning
Many find his name too hard to spell. |
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
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England:
Virgin Komodo Dragon
Gives Birth
Three wise lizards come,
bearing gifts. |
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 Anti-Ethanol Lobby
Descends on Washington
Orville Redenbacher, Paul Newman,
Sailor Jack plead their case to Congress. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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Military to Increase
“Moral Waiver”
Program to Aid Recruitment
Will roll buses up to prison gates when
inmates released early. |
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Report: Advanced Military
Parts Sold to China, Iran on
Open Market
FBI blames “invisible hand.” |
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| REMINDER |
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Shoot
first and refuse to
answer questions later. |
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Bush Presents New Plan for
New Orleans in State of the Union Address
Total neglect. |
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Military Unveils New Weapon
Dubbed “Active Denial System”
Has already been successfully tested on
Dick Cheney. |
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Bush: Give Authority to Raise Mileage
Standards to Dept. of Transportation
Appoints President of General Motors to
run Dept. of Transportation. |
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