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OBAMA CANCELS MOSCOW
SUMMIT OVER SNOWDEN
Putin responds by activating Doomsday Device. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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Terror Alert: Tourists Warned to Stay
Away From Any American Establishment
Urged to eat more falafel. |
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U.S. Worldwide Popularity Soars to Pre-Iraq War Levels
Could be our best result until after next war. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS ... |
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 Oppressive Heat
Waves the New Normal, Say Meteorolgists
So get used to it. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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Terror Threat Continues, Say
Intelligence Agencies
Won't end until legislation to limit power of
intelligence agencies goes away. |
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Bad News: U.S. Has 5% of World’s
Population, 25% Of World’s Prisoners
Good news: they’re not considered
unemployed. |
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| REMINDER |
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Tell the NSA whenever you're going on vacation. |
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House in Boston Where Whitey Bulger
Stashed Bodies Now in Upscale
Neighborhood
With the greenest lawns. |
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Factoid: More Than 90% of Adult
Americans Have Cell Phones
And they're on them 90% of the time. |
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| POLITICS |
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White House Sides With GOP
Defending Christian Prayers
To Open Town Meetings
But suggests “Dear Lord, save us from the
Antichrist Obama” goes too far. |
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