| OBAMA EMBARKS ON 10-DAY |
 ASIAN TRIP TO PROMOTE AMERICAN
EXPORTS
Cigarettes, liquor, porn films, spam. |
|
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| WORLD NEWS |
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Queen Elizabeth Joins Facebook
Her Majesty wishes all her subjects to know
she had eggs for breakfast. |
|
World's Largest Statue of Jesus
Being Erected in Poland
Polish Catholics, pigeons rejoice. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS . . . |
|
 NASA
Hopes to Put Robot on Moon as
Cheaper Alternative to Human
Humanoid would plant
flag, hit golf ball, take
pictures. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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Jobs Picture Improves
Slightly
Companies running out of people to lay
off. |
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San Francisco Bans
Happy Meal Toys
Despite fact they're more nutritious than
Happy Meal meals. |
|
Four in Ten Economists
Pessimistic About Future
Other six living in cardboard boxes,
couldn't be reached. |
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| REMINDER |
| |
The
rich people have spoken. |
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U.S. Border Patrol Finds Tunnel Six
Football Fields Long, Believed to Have
Been Used by Drug Traffickers
Or giant mutant ants. |
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| ENVIRONMENT |
|
Good News: Four Republicans
In House Publicly Admit Climate
Change is Real
Bad news: they think it's getting cooler. |
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