Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – SEPTEMBER 9 - 15, 2024
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TECHNOLOGY
  Startup Hopes to Identify Every Human by Scanning Their
Eyeball With “The Orb”

Beginning with people shown in company's promotional picture (above).
 
MISCELLANEOUS
14-Year-Old Georgia School
Killer to Be Tried as an Adult

Father, who gave him assault rifle, to be tried as a child.
 
LAW
Biden Proposes Code of Ethics,
Term Limits for Supreme Court

Also: no chewing gum.
 
SPORTS
Chicago White Sox on Pace for Worst Record in MLB History
Now, even if they want to, they can't throw the World Series.
FEATURE
Many women have accused Donald Trump of sexually abusing them. How many?
   A )  8  
   B )  11  
   C )  18  
   D )  23  
Hint: “When you're a star you do anything, grab them by the pussy, you can do anything.”
 
WEATHER
Phoenix Records 100th Straight
Day of 100 Degree Temperatures

City hopes to bring temperatures down by switching from Fahrenheit to Celsius.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
Four-Year-Old Boy Shatters Bronze Age Jar in Archeological Museum
Museum's artistic director blamed for filling jar with candy.

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