Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – SEPTEMBER 6 - 12, 2021
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CONSUMER NEWS
Coming Soon: Smart Toilets
Promptly text you in the event you flush your smartphone down the drain.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Wall Street Journal: Cellphones
Have Replaced Wallets

Panhandlers now ask passersby if they have any “spare data.”
 
ENVIRONMENT
National Weather Service:
Texas Cold Crisis Linked to
Melting Arctic Sea Ice

Climatologists: Melting Arctic Sea Ice linked to Texas.
 
TECHNOLOGY
Wooden Floors Laced With
Silicon Can Generate
Electricity From Footsteps

Enough people walking on it simultaneously can power a treadmill.
FEATURE
Since 2016, how many new microorganisms have been discovered on urban mass-transit systems?
   A )  1  
   B )  6  
   C )  7  
   D )  11,676  
Hint: that guy on the D train with the rotting carp in his lap is a good place to start.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
Beverly Hills Police Sued After 99% of Arrests by “Safe Streets” Unit Happened to be Black
Many of them Emmy winners.

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