| TECHNOLOGY |
 |
 Japan: Shops
Deploy Laser-Guided Robots to
Make Sure People Wear Masks
If they refuse, a laser in the tush
usually does the trick. |
|
| |
| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
Popular Dating Site App Says Karens
Having Trouble Getting Dates
Indignant, Karens demand to speak to
app's CEO, want FBI brought in. |
|
Revealed: Melania Could Get $50
Million in Divorce Settlement
And the East Wing. |
| |
| HISTORY |
|
Historians: Founders Didn't Foresee
President Who Refuses to Step Down
Or profit from his office, or call for
the jailing of his opponents, or lie
20,000 times, or insult anyone who
criticizes him, or pay porn stars to
keep silent. |
| |
| LAW |
|
Trump's Lawyer Says Philadelphia
Mobster “Skinny Joey” Merlino
Manufactured 300,000 Illegal
Ballots for Biden
However, Merlino says, “I ain't talkin'.” |
|
| FEATURE |
 |
| The United States ranks 25th on an
index of 167 countries that's
topped by Norway, Iceland, and
Sweden. What is the index and
what does it measure? |
| A ) | The Ski Jumping
Index (measures the quality of hills) |
| B ) | The Codfish Index
(measures the quality of codfish) |
| C ) | The Blonde Index
(self-explanatory) |
| D ) | The Democracy Index
(measures the state of democracy) |
| Hint: hey, we beat Botswana,
Cape Verde, and Papua New Guinea. |
|
|
|
| |
| ODDS 'N' ENDS |
|
 |
| |
Much Talk of Trump TV Network
It would consist of hard-hitting
rightwing news commentators,
editorials from Trump himself
and, after midnight, shark
documentaries. |
|
