| PEOPLE |
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 Jared Kushner,
After Long Session With Mueller, Gets
Security Clearance Restored
He can now participate in all top secret
White House meetings, while wearing a wire. |
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Giuliani: “Truth is Relative, They
Might Have a Different Version
Of the Truth Than We Do”
“Mueller hears 'laurel,' we hear 'witch hunt.'” |
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 Trump Pardons
Jack Johnson
But won't pardon Barack Obama. |
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| BUSINESS |
|
Apple Teams Up With Volkswagen
To Build Driverless Car
Basically, an iPhone that seats four
and gets 35 miles per gallon. |
|
 New Policy at
Starbucks: People Can Sit, Use Restroom,
Without Paying for Anything
Move instantly solves nationwide homeless crisis. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
Scientists Develop Robotic System
Able to Grow Human Organs
Free two-day delivery with Amazon Prime. |
| |
 Mussels In Waters
Off Seattle Test Positive For Opioids
Public advised not to operate heavy
machinery after eating mussels. |
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| SCIENCE |
|
Ninth Planet Discovered
Many suggest calling it Pluto, to save money. |
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| ENVIRONMENT |
|
EPA's Pruitt Bars Reporters
From Public Event on Toxic Chemicals in
Drinking Water
Where he discussed his secret plan to poison
reporters with toxic drinking water. |
|
Internal White House Memo:
“Ignore” Federal Climate Research
And wildfires, droughts, flooding, monster
tornadoes, Category 6 hurricanes. |
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