 ISIS MILITANTS SMASH
PRICELESS ANCIENT ARTIFACTS IN IRAQ
In hopes of attracting more alienated
teenagers from Minnesota. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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UN: Only 35% of Those in Custody
In Afghanistan Are Tortured,
Down From 49% in 2011
Progress! |
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Britain First Nation to Allow
Three-Parent Babies
And three mothers-in-law. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS ... |
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Study Finds Alcohol Most Dangerous,
Marijuana Least Dangerous Recreational Drug
Calls for stiff penalties for anyone found
in possession of half a gram of beer. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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CPAC Brings All Republican
Presidential Hopefuls Together
In One Place
Making it year's largest gathering
of climate change deniers. |
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Pot Now Legal in Washington, D.C.
White House to host “Choom Gang” reunion. |
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| REMINDER |
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'Tis better to have loved and lost than
to never have tried online dating at all. |
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Report: 60 Million Metric Tons
Of Food Worth $162 Billion
Wasted Each Year
According to your mother. |
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New Jersey Suddenly Settles
$9 Billion Suit With Exxon for
Just $250 Million
After Governor and future Exxon
board member Chris Christie steps in to help. |
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| POLITICS |
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 Scott Walker: I'll Deal With ISIS
Just Like I Dealt With Unions
By cutting off their pensions. |
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