| PEOPLE |
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 Pope: Atheists Can Be
Redeemed if They “Do Good”
Like, say, give money to the Church. |
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| ENTERTAINMENT |
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China's Richest Man to Spend $8.2 Billion
Building China's Version of Hollywood
Spending $820 million on agents alone. |
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| BUSINESS |
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Nineteen Companies That Post Fake
Reviews Agree to Settlement
“Best settlement ever!” says one
online commenter. |
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AIG CEO Says Criticism of Large Bonuses
“Just as Bad” as Lynching
Except without the noose, the sudden breaking of the
neck and spinal cord and the fact you still have the
$5.8 million they gave you for Christmas. |
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 Burger King
Introduces Lower Calorie French Fries
So go ahead and supersize those. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Estimate: 15-30 Billion Earth-Like
Planets in Our Galaxy
But none would be expected to have that rare
combination of perfect climate and a dominant species
so dumb that it would destroy it. |
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NASA Funding Research Into
3D-Printed Food
Hopes to turn Tang into an orange. |
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 Blobfish Voted
World's Ugliest Animal
Saddened, outraged they demand a recount. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Report: Obesity Rates May Have Peaked
You, in particular, are looking slimmer. |
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 McDonald's
Introduces Healthier Menus
In case the First Lady shows up. |
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