| PEOPLE |
 |
 |
Larry Flynt
Asks Congress for $5
Billion Bailout of Porn
Industry
It's expected to be
quickly approved. |
|
|
|
 Internet
Site Hires Joe the
Plumber to Report on
Fighting in Middle East
He'll provide unique
perspective of
publicity-seeking
nincompoop with no
experience or expertise. |
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| |
| ENTERTAINMENT |
|
Nielsen Measuring TV
Viewing in Bars
As more and more families lose their
homes. |
| |
| BUSINESS |
|
Toyota Projects First Loss
Since World War II
CEO calls 2008 “a year that will
live in infamy.” |
|
 “Going
Out of Business” Store Going
Out of Business
Current business climate
“too tough,” says
owner. |
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| SCIENCE |
|
More Research into Dangers of
Nanotechnology Needed
Say teeny-tiny scientists. |
|
Bees Direct Other Bees to
Cocaine-
Laced Sugar Water With Especially
Enthusiastic Waggle Dance
According to enthusiastic waggle dance of
researchers. |
| |
 New
Species of Giant
Bird-Like Dinosaur
Discovered in China
Best served with duck
sauce. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
Study: Minorities Less Likely
To Get
Pain Meds From Emergency Rooms
More likely to be accused of paranoia for
believing that. |
| |
| CORRECTION |
| |
| Last week,
summing up the crises
President-elect Obama inherits
when he takes office, we said
"on January 21 he must deal
with an exploding Middle East, an
economy in free fall, soaring
unemployment and two wars."
He takes office on January 20. We
regret the error. |
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