| PEOPLE |
 |
 |
Drug Company
Sales Manager Wins Mrs.
America Contest
Sings “Mother's
Little Helper” to
win talent competition. |
|
|
 Elvis's
First House Nominated to
National Registry of
Historic Places
Suburban Memphis home has
two bedrooms, nineteen
bathrooms. |
|
| |
| SPORTS |
|
Barry Bonds Poised to
Pass Babe Ruth
Only record Ruth still holds is Total Hot
Dogs Consumed, 60 (for a nine-inning
game). |
| |
| RELIGION |
|
Vatican Expected to Ban
Gays From Seminaries
Pedophiles will still be welcome. |
|
Ultra-Condensed
“100-Minute
Bible” Makes Its
Debut
Faces stiff competition
from soon-to-be- published
“90-Minute
Bible.” |
|
 |
|
|
 |
| The EPA is using
the wake-up call of
Hurricane Katrina to: |
| A ) | Review
minimum standards for
protecting coastal
wetlands serving as
natural barriers against
hurricanes. |
| B ) | Challenge
overdevelopment which
causes erosion in
flood-prone river
valleys. |
| C ) | Gut
the Clean Air Act. |
| Hint: Can you spell
“waiver”? |
|
| Who is going
to pay for the
reconstruction effort in
the wake of Katrina, and
how will they do it? |
| A ) | Our
wealthiest and most
powerful citizens, who
make the lion's share of
campaign contributions,
will be required to give
up their huge tax cuts. |
| B ) | Our
senior citizens, who vote
in larger numbers than any other
group, will be required
to give up their Medicare
drug benefits. |
| C ) | Our
yet unborn children and
grandchildren, who
neither vote nor make
campaign contributions,
will be required to pay
for all of it, and also
our tax cuts and the war
in Iraq. |
| Hint: if you don't
know the answer to this
one, you haven't been
paying attention. |
|
|
|
|
