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BUSH SAID TO BE
DRINKING AGAIN
And hanging out with a
bunch of losers. |
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WORLD NEWS |
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North Korea Agrees to Drop
Nuclear Weapons Program
In exchange for boxed set of Daffy Duck
cartoons. |
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UN Report: Scotland
Most Violent Country
Blamed on Scots' constant exposure to
plaid, bagpipes, haggis. |
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ENVIRONMENT |
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EPA Has Plan to Reduce
Toxic Pollution
Plan drops requirement that businesses
report toxic pollution. |
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ALSO IN THE NEWS |
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Pope
Encourages Exorcists to
Keep Up the Good
Work
Has kind words for
vampire slayers as well. |
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U. S. NEWS |
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Administration Launches
Multi-
Billion Dollar War on Pornography
Disaster relief, war in Iraq can
wait, says spokesman. |
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Commission Recommends
National Photo ID for Voters
Passport, credit card, driver's license,
country club membership card all OK. |
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DeLay Allegedly Involved in
Legal, Ethical Transaction
No further details available. |
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REMINDER
It's
every man for himself. |
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Pentagon Bars Testimony About
Pre-9/11 Intel Identifying Hijackers
Could compromise security of Bush
Administration. |
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Frist Sells All His Stock in
Family Company Before Poor
Earnings Report Released
"Just lucky," he quips. |
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EDUCATION |
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Princeton Cuts Number of A's
Given to Students Down to
41%
Hopes lower grades will produce a future
president. |
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