| ODDS 'N ENDS |
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Oyster Shell
Bearing Image of Jesus to
Be Sold
Fact that all oyster
shells bear image of
Jesus may keep price
down. |
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| FEATURE |
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| In a
meeting with black
leaders, President Bush
mentioned the shorter
life expectancy for
blacks, which he promised
to address by: |
| A ) | Making
medical insurance more
affordable and improving
health care in public
hospitals. |
| B ) | Targeting minority areas
with high crime and
violence for federal
assistance. |
| C ) | Privatizing social
security. |
| (Hint: you need to
consider factors other
than logic to answer this
correctly.) |
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| SPORTS |
|
Super Bowl Preview: Patriots
Should Win Easily, Says Computer
After being fed statistics for each team
and their common opponents, plus those
for all teams that were common opponents
of their common opponents, the computer
came up with this prediction:
Patriots 14,676,998 - Eagles 0. |
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There's been a lot of
talk lately about Social
Security, mostly by those
who know very little
about it. Some say it
will be solvent until
2052. Others say 2018.
They're all wrong. Social
Security will run out of
money in July. And, to
save it, we have to take
the kind of drastic
action that was taken
with welfare: replace it.
Force people to earn
their retirement money by
working. Instead of
depending on a monthly
stipend, with no
incentive to find a job,
recipients would be
motivated to take the
kind of work that only
illegal immigrants are
now taking, solving
another problem.
Of course, some will be
too old and infirm to do
demanding physical labor.
In that case they can
watch after the children
of those who call Social
Security “mad
money.” Or, walk the
dogs of younger
wage-earners who are no
longer burdened by having
to contribute. Hell, tips
alone could bring in more
than those measly
government checks.
And, with the money you
earn, you can invest in
the stock market, which
always goes up. You can't
lose!
(Mr. Money was paid
$240,000 by the Social
Security Administration.) |
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