| HOBBIES |
 Bush Confident
He'll Be Moving Into White House
Has already picked out
spot for beer can collection. (left,
George W. and some of his 15,000 cans) |
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| PEOPLE |
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Michael Jackson, Cher to
Swap Body
Parts
His nose, her butt main components of
deal. |
|
Frost Scholar Chooses Road
Not
Taken
Aspiring poet lost in snow for three
weeks; hopes dim. |
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| TODAY'S RECIPE |
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Obsessive-Compulsive Ratatouille
Ingredients: Two, identical medium
tomatoes, 3/16 lb mushrooms, 3/8 cup
chopped onions, 12.3" sliced
zucchini, 14 oz can tomato sauce.
Wash tomatoes, mushrooms, zucchini. (Wash
tomatoes again.) Chop onions into tiny,
teeny bits.
That's not small enough. Chop each bit
in half.
Sauté vegetables in two T oil, for
158 seconds. Add sauce, cook 4 minutes 17
seconds. Serve immediately.
(Wash tomatoes again.) |
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
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Environment to End in 2048
Possibly sooner. |
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The 19th Hole
by Seamus McFadden
Talking to the late
Ben Hogan the other
 day
about who had the best swing among dead
presidents, when who should drop by but
Dwight "Ike" Eisenhower, a pretty fair
linksman in his own right. Ike, ever the
modest warrior, nominated Warren Harding.
Bantam Ben, who battled Snead, Demaret,
and the great Byron Nelson when still alive,
sang the praises of Martin Van Buren,
who actually learned the game "up here."
What about Tricky Dick Nixon? The tenacious
Texan thought a moment, then said: "As a
golfer, Nixon was a good president."
Meanwhile, don’t mention golf to Bing Crosby,
who hasn’t two-putted since he was crooning
coast-to-coast. "I’ve got the yips," Der Bingle
confessed. Yips or no yips, he’ll be teeing it
up with Jackie Gleason, Phil Harris, and Issac
Bashevis Singer (the dead writer) on the No. 2 course
at Green Pastures in the Pearly Gates Invitational
next week. Should be quite an affair, with a dinner
hosted by old pal Georgie Jessel.
That’s all for now, but remember: always replace
your divot, it might be someone you know.
Fore!
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