 IN EARLY POLLS,
TRUMP LEADS IN KEY SWING STATES
He declares victory. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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Rumor: Putin Dead, His
Double in Charge
By all reports his double “doing
just fine.” |
|
Saudi Arabia, Sole Bidder,
to Host 2034 World Cup
Met with near-unanimous approval
by Saudis, with just a few dissenters
beheaded. |
| |
| PICTURE OF THE WEEK |
|
Smithsonian's Giant Pandas
Headed Back to China Amidst |
 Heightened Tensions
In their place, visitors will be entertained
by interns in very realistic Panda costumes. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
|
House Votes Not to Expel
George Santos
After he convinces enough members
he's a direct descendant of Thomas
Jefferson. |
|
Trump: People Imprisoned
for Jan 6 Attack “Hostages”
Wants United States declared a “terrorist
organization.” |
| |
| REMINDER |
| |
Now is not the time to talk about
preventing World War III. |
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Documents Case: Trump
Views Classified Evidence
in Secure Location
Later, tells his caddie where Iran
hides its centrifuges. |
| |
| POLITICS |
|
 DeSantis
Accused of Wearing Height-Boosting
Supports in His Shoes
In order to qualify for next debate,
which has a height minimum. |
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