Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MARCH 11 - 17, 2024
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PEOPLE
McConnell Endorses Trump
To stop the death threats, he explains.
Hungary's Orban Visits Trump
at Mar-a-Lago

Recieves promised “meat loaf, chocolate cake, and glimpse of Melania by the pool.”
 
MEDIA
Warning Issued: Russia
Responsible for Numerous
Fake News Sites

Including some of your favorites.
 
BUSINESS
Record $12.5 Billion Lost to
Internet Scams Last Year

At same time, record $12.5 billion earned by internet scammers.
Jeff Bezos Briefly Moves Ahead of Elon Musk Atop World's Richest Person List
By forty-three dollars.
SCIENCE
Scientist: AI Could Surpass
Human Intelligence by 2027

Dolphins by 2030, octopuses by 2050.
DoD Developing Portable
UFO Detection Kits

Made of tinfoil, you wear it on your head.
 
Researchers Optimistic They Can Revive Woolly Mammoth
They've already started taking orders for a stuffed toy, frozen mammoth burgers.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
FDA: LSD Now a Breakthrough Therapy
Advises public to turn on, tune in, drop out.
 
ENVIRONMENT
Arctic May Have Ice-Free
Summers Soon

“Finally!” says head of Arctic Summer Fun Tourist bureau.

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