Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MARCH 20 - 26, 2023
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PEOPLE
Stormy Daniels Speaks to New York Prosecutors
It's the forty-third time she's met with them.
 
BUSINESS
ChatGPT Predicts Stock Market Crash This Week
Claims mass disruption will follow, with chatbots like itself taking control of government.
Banks Frantically Rush to Reassure Depositors, Prevent Run
Offer free doughnuts, coffee.
Toblerone Drops Matterhorn Logo After Moving Production From Switzerland
New logo features 10-year-old African laborers.
 
CONSUMER NEWS
AR-15 Lapel Pin Shows Where You Stand on Guns
And, if you're incredibly lucky, it can stop a bullet.
SCIENCE
Scientists Reverse Aging
Process in Mice

“Monumental breakthrough” could lead to world filled with young, healthy mice.
NASA Unveils New Moon Suit for Astronauts
New casual wear for moon trip will be revealed in two weeks.
Steven Spielberg: UFO's
Could Be Time Traveling
Humans Observing Us

“The real question is, what's with the anal probes?”
Rolls-Royce Plans to Put Nuclear Reactor on Moon
“And the only sound you'll hear is the clock,” says spokesman.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Report: More Than Half
Of World Will Be Overweight
Or Obese by 2035

Almost all living in half of world that still has food.

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