Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – MAY 9 - 15, 2022
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ART
Bust Bought at Goodwill for $34.99 Turns Out to Be Ancient Roman Relic From 1 AD
Store manager: “If we knew it was that old, we would have charged less.”
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Worker Productivity Sees
Biggest Decline Since 1947

Year padded bra invented.
Book: Obama Jealous of Biden
Envies his ears.
 
EDUCATION
Survey: Average Undergrad
Expects to Earn $103,880
Starting Salary Upon
Graduation

In reality, average undergrad earns $28,247 upon graduation driving for Uber.
 
TECHNOLOGY
New Wearable Device Tracks Your Health by Gases You Produce
Although it's easily fooled by a whoopee cushion.
FEATURE
According to the most recent CNN Poll, what percentage of Americans do not want to see Roe v. Wade overturned?
   A )  13%  
   B )  23%  
   C )  33%  
   D )  69%  
Hint: C) is their poll of the Supreme Court.
 
SPORTS
80-1 Longshot Wins Kentucky Derby
So unexpected, horse had already been purchased by Krazy Glue.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
  Lucid: New Electric Car to Be Manufactured in Saudi Arabia
Aimed at affluent oil sheiks concerned about environment.

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