Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – AUGUST 3 - 9, 2020
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TECHNOLOGY
Robots Can Now Give Full-Body Personalized Massages at Home
And yes, they can be programmed for happy endings.
Google Working on Smart Tattoos That Turn Skin Into Living Touchpad
Push “M” “O” “M” on your arm and your smartphone dials your mother.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Study: 1 in 6 Participate in
Work Conference Calls
While Sitting on Toilet

One in twelve forget to hit mute.
 
SPORTS
Cleveland Indians Meet With
Native Americans to Discuss Name

And prospects for upcoming season.
Pro Sports Leagues Face
Crossroads as More
Coronavirus Cases Emerge

To continue operating they may be forced to disinfect thousands of strip clubs across nation.
FEATURE
Among Americans, 90% of Democrats wear a face mask. What percentage of Republicans wear a face mask?
  A ) 80%
  B ) 70%
  C ) 60%
  D ) 50%
  E ) 40%
Hint: select a deity and pray for them, if that's your thing.
 
TRENDS
Number of Adults Living With
Their Parents Jumps 10% in April

And still, they don't call.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
Walmart Bans Nazi Face Masks
“We're just doing our civic duty,” complains one nazi.

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