Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – APRIL 22 - 28, 2019
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PEOPLE
Trump Says He'll Give Tiger Woods Presidential Medal of Freedom
Plus Get-Out-of-Jail-Free card, two complimentary half-hour massages at Orchids of Asia Day Spa in Jupiter, Florida.
North Korea Calls for “Immature“ Mike Pompeo to be Dropped From Nuclear Talks
Would much prefer to meet with Melania.
 
BUSINESS
Report: Amazon Flooded
By Fake Five-Star Reviews

But very few fake three-star reviews.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Hollywood Suffering Worst Box Office Slump in 6 Years
Movie theaters blame competition from orgasmatrons (shown).
CONSUMER NEWS
Soylent, Liquid Food Replacement, Now Comes in Chewable Form
Either way, you're probably eating people.
 
SCIENCE
Study: Global Attention Span Shorter Due to Amount of Information
So many studies, so little time.
 
DNA Reveals Stonehenge Builders Came From What is Now Turkey
Came for the lousy weather, stayed for the lousy food.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Report: Marijuana Users Less Likely to Be Overweight
They often become paralyzed in ice cream section, go home with nothing.

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