| PEOPLE |
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 Japan's Akihito
to Become First Emperor to Step Down in 200 Years
Wants to get out before the sex harassment charges
begin. |
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| BUSINESS |
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Price of One Bitcoin
Hits $10,000
For comparison, that's equal to 10,000 tulips. |
|
Budweiser Sending Barley Seeds
Into Orbit to See if Beer Can Be
Brewed in Space
And if international space station has sports bar
possibilities. |
| |
| TECHNOLOGY |
 |
 Google Alters Burger
Emoji, Puts Cheese on Top
Unanswered: what moron put it on the bottom. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Study: Dogs Smarter Than Cats
Cats disagree, call study “fake news.” |
|
 Golden Record
Sent Into Space Now Available to Public
Just ask for “Chuck Berry and a Bunch
of Other Stuff.” |
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 Flat Earth Believer
Calls Off Attempt to Prove it With
Homemade Rocket Launch
Says it conflicts with his duties as new head of NASA. |
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
 Republicans Pass
Tax Bill With Last-Minute Handwritten Additions
Final four pages written on an Etch-a-Sketch. |
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