PEOPLE |
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Rush Limbaugh
Calls Hurricane a Liberal Media
Hoax, Then Evacuates
To lower ground. |
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Trump Finding Himself More
Isolated in White House
Whenever he takes a shower, all the toilets get flushed. |
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BUSINESS |
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Layoffs Loom at Disney
Goofy has accepted early retirement, Donald
Duck lawyering up, Minnie Mouse seen house
shopping. |
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In Wake of Trump’s Nuclear
War Threats, Bomb Shelter Business
Booming
Deluxe shelters come equipped with
AR-15s to keep the neighbors out. |
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Chief Economic
Advisor Gary Cohn Tells Magazine,
Only Morons Pay the Estate
Tax
1%: Only a total moron would
tell the press that. |
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SCIENCE |
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There Could Be a Village on
the Moon by 2030
Complete with coffee houses, jazz
clubs, head shops, art galleries, and
two places that sell cupcakes. |
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Black Hole
100,000 Times More Massive Than Sun
Discovered in Middle of Milky Way
Entire galaxy put on a Black Hole Watch. |
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The Sun Just
Fired Off a Massive Flare, and It's
Headed Toward Earth Right Now
Wear your tin foil hat until further notice. |
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HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Study: One in Eight
Americans Is an Alcoholic
Worse yet, one in eight married to an alcoholic. |
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