NEW PRODUCTS |
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Stiletto Roller Skates!
Expect to see more people wearing these, at
S&M roller derby parties, and in countries
that permit torture. $299, at all remaining Sears. |
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MISCELLANEOUS |
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Administration Looking
Into Discrimination Against
Whites in Universities
Also wants to tackle discrimination against
blacks in the NBA. |
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Five Shootings, Three Deaths Mar
Baltimore's Nobody Kill Anybody
Weekend
Nobody Rape Anybody, Nobody Throw Acid
in Anybody's Face, Nobody Steal Anybody's
Car weekends put on hold. |
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SPORTS |
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Paris Awarded 2024 Olympics,
Los Angeles 2028 Olympics
2032 Summer Olympics go to North Pole, 2032
Winter Olympics given to Jamaica. |
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KIDZ KORNER |
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In the following statement,
can you spot the phrase that doesn't belong? |
Senate Majority Leader
Mitch McConnell set out his schedule for the rest of
August, including on his list: |
A ) | Confirming nominees. |
B ) | Legislation to help veterans. |
C ) | Re-authorizing user
fees to fund the Food and Drug Administration. |
D ) | A bold new effort
to find bi-partisan consensus on a health care bill. |
Hint: don't get sick. |
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LAW |
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"Pharma Bro"
Martin Shkreli Found Guilty of Securities Fraud
And all-around repulsiveness. |
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