Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JULY 27 - AUG 2, 2015
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NEW PRODUCTS
This Thing Gives You a Relaxing Buzz All Day Long!
You stick it to your forehead and it delivers “transdermal electrical neuromodulation,” or tiny shocks (if you're a lawyer), while you go about your daily business, which soon becomes explaining that you're not wounded, or coming off drugs. $300, at Snake Oil for Less.
 
TECHNOLOGY
Security Experts: It's Easy to Hack Into Cars, Control Lights, Brakes, Steering, Acceleration
And, worst of all, the radio.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Study: Proximity to More Trees Results in Better Health
Explains why Sasquatch appears so fit.
 
SPORTS
Pete Rose Still No Closer to Baseball's Hall of Fame
His past gambling doesn't sit well with game's biggest sponsors, like gambling site DraftKings.com.
FEATURE
What is this?
A )Locations of counties with most Cracker Barrel franchises in U.S.
B )Locations of counties with worst public schools in U.S.
C )Locations of rallies for Confederate flag in U.S.
Hint: Oh, I wish I was in Dixie.
 
POLL
Gallup Poll: More Than Four in Ten Americans Say They've Tried Marijuana
Duh Poll: more than nine in ten Americans have tried marijuana.
 
PICTURE OF THE WEEK
Winners of Hemingway Look-Alike Contest
Not shown: winners of Faulkner look-alike contest.

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