| PEOPLE |
 |
 Rapper 50
Cent Files for Bankruptcy
Declaring assets of fifty cent, liabilities
of sixty cent. |
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| |
| MEDIA |
|
TV: First Pot Ad to Run on Denver
Station Before Jimmy Kimmel
Other ads to run on Cartoon Network,
Food Network, Fox & Friends. |
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| BUSINESS |
|
New Tesla Model S Will Go
From 0 to 60 in 2.8 Seconds
In case you have to do that to avoid an
accident. |
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Manufacturer Says New Bubble
Wrap Will No Longer Pop
Change made despite desperate
plea from obsessive-compulsives. |
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 Airbus
Unveils New Plane
It's Shamu's private jet. |
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| SCIENCE |
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NASA: Early Data From Pluto
Probe “Mind Blowing”
Reminding many at JPL of seeing
2001: A Space Odyssey for first time on acid. |
|
 Large Hadron
Collider Discovers New Form of Matter
Never-seen-before pentaquark particle
(right) contains five infinite universes,
lasts one-zillionth of a second. |
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|
 Astronauts to
Try First Salad Grown in Space
Having exhausted supply of cookies,
cupcakes, chocolate donuts, Snickers,
M&Ms and Twizzlers. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Study: Fracking Bad for Your Health
After drinking contaminated water,
breathing polluted air and breaking
a leg in an earthquake, your health
could suffer. |
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Study: Standing at Work
Could Be Bad for You, Too
Concludes work, whether sitting or
standing, bad for you. |
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