| PEOPLE |
 |
 Brian Williams
to Return in Slightly Diminished Role
He'll be in charge of Lester Holt's teleprompter. |
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| MEDIA |
|
 BBC Technology
Lets You Change Channels With Your Mind
And adjust volume with your blood pressure. |
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| BUSINESS |
|
McDonald's to Alter Way It Cooks
Adds Graduate School of Culinary Arts
to Hamburger University. |
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 Disney Actors Complain They Can't
Reveal Which Character They Play
So everyone just assumes they're Goofy. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Chimps Observed Getting
Drunk From Sap With
High Ethanol Content
And swearing “never again” the next
morning. |
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 Hawaii: Scientists Emerge From
Eight-Month Simulated Trip to Mars
Will spend next eight months in total
isolation, binge watching favorite shows. |
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 Italian Neurosurgeon
Plans to Perform First Human Head
Transplant by End of 2017
Or sooner "if the right body comes along." |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Study: Heavy Consumers of
Chocolate 25% Less Likely to
Die of Cardiovascular Disease
Chocoholics who add coffee and booze will
live forever. |
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