| NEW PRODUCTS |
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 An Artistic Way to Tell Time!
The Fibonacci Clock, designed by artists,
displays the time with colored squares and
rectangles instead of hands or digits and
demonstrates elegantly why artists are
always late. $249, at Waste of Time. |
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| TECHNOLOGY |
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Apple Confirms New Watch
Won't Work Properly When
Worn Over Tattoo
Disappointing everyone under forty. |
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| SPORTS |
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Mayweather-Pacquiao Rematch
Already Under Discussion
This time with new promoter, P.T. Barnum. |
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NFL: Patriots Probably Deflated
Footballs on Purpose; Brady
Probably Knew
Team probably won Super Bowl. |
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| EDUCATION |
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 University of New Hampshire
Offering Course on Deflategate
For students majoring in Physics,
with a minor in Ethics. |
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| FEATURE |
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| Bank of America charges customers
$12 if they accept a check written out to them by somebody
else that bounces because: |
| A ) | Their customers
should have known the check was no good. |
| B ) | The
person who wrote the check had shifty-looking eyes. |
| C ) | It’s a lot more
trouble than people realize for banks to deal with this kind
of thing, for reasons you wouldn’t understand. |
| D ) | They can. |
| Hint: you have the option of keeping
your money under your mattress. |
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| ODDS 'N' ENDS |
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Italian Police Create Picture
Of Jesus as a Boy
Hope it will help in identifying pedophile priests. |
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