| HIGHLIGHTS OF
2014 (January - June) |
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 Pope Francis Says
He'd Baptize Martians
But draws the line at washing their feet (if
they have feet). |
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Midterm Elections Could Give
Senate to GOP
Republicans say they'd seize on opportunity
and immediately set out on ambitious
program to do absolutely nothing. |
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Georgia Gun Law Allows
Weapons in Churches, Bars,
Government Offices
Schools, libraries, anger management clinics. |
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Poll: 17% of Americans Say They'd
Have Sex With a Robot
Broken down: 34% of men, 0% of women. |
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Coca-Cola's Pomegranate Blueberry
Juice is 99.4% Apple and Grape Juice
Company offers to rename it “I Can't
Believe It's Not Pomegranate Blueberry
Juice.” |
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Bill Introduced in Congress Would Create
National Park on the Moon
Already, the wait for a decent campsite is 6
months. |
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Study: 32% of U.S. Seafood
Caught Illegally
Then overcooked. |
 |
 Claiming an Error,
Feds Rescind Approval of Powdered Alcohol
Product “Palcohol”
Seemed like a great idea, until they
sobered up. |
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Congressional Leaders Hold Hands,
Sing “We Shall Overcome”
Followed by “Dixie.” |
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Iraq Descending Into Civil War
Country lacks powerful strongman
with no ties to terrorist groups. |
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Native American Caucus Opposes
Immigration Reform
Demands 310 million illegal immigrants be deported. |
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House Majority Leader Cantor Loses
Primary to Tea Party Candidate
Voters found his anti-immigration,
anti-Obamacare, anti-tax, anti-regulation
record too progressive. |
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CEO's Median Pay Rises for 4th Straight
Year to Above $10 Million
U.S. political system downgraded from oligarchy
to plutocracy. |
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Texas Republicans Support
“Restorative Therapy” for Gays
Reject “restorative therapy” for bigots. |
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Consumer Confidence in
U.S. Hits 6-Year High
Half of Americans confident other half will
buy stuff. |
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Prediction: Computers Will
Be Like Humans by 2029
Will most likely kill us all, then fight among themselves. |
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 Sterling, Denying
He's Mentally Unfit, Sues NBA
For $1 billion and a tuna melt with fries. |
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