Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – MAY 5 - 11, 2014
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TECHNOLOGY
Google Holds “Glass Night Out” to Make Us More Comfortable With People Wearing Google Glass
Instead, it creeps us out even more.
Smartphone Makers Now Making $30 Billion Replacing Stolen Smartphones, $7 Billion Insuring Them
Nothing to do with why they oppose technology which could make stolen Smartphones worthless.
Revealed: 14 People Hold Keys
That Can Turn Internet On,
Off in Emergency

Each also has key to restroom.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Report: Master Violinists Can't Tell Difference Between New Violins and Those Made by Stradivarius
But ten times more likely to leave Stradivarius in cab.
Study: To Sound Smarter,
Use Your Middle Initial

To sound even smarter, add a Ph.D.
NEW PRODUCTS
New Soylent All You Need to Live!
Not really made from people (according to the bottle), new Soylent replaces food, vitamins – everything – allowing you more time to work, play and, uh, watch other people eat. $19.99 per bottle, at Foodless.
 
ENVIRONMENT
Report: Great Britain's Nuclear
Dump Will Start Leaking in a
Few Hundred Years

Plenty of time for the government to prepare an apology.
 
CORRECTION
 
We reported that a White House study laying the groundwork for keeping everyone’s emails, texts and photos “lays the groundwork for keeping everyone’s emails, texts and photos.” We meant to say that the study “lays the groundwork for keeping everyone’s texts, emails and photos safe and secure.” We regret any confusion caused by our mistake.

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