| PEOPLE |
 |
 Gov. Brown Declares
Drought in California
Californians urged to bathe in Perrier. |
|
|
 Charles Koch, in Wall Street Journal,
Calls His Critics “Collectivists”
Term last used (but favorably) by Leon Trotsky. |
|
| |
| ENTERTAINMENT |
 |
Old Globe's Gory, Literal
Production of Titus Andronicus
Causing Audiences to Faint
And killing sales at theater's snack bar. |
| |
| BUSINESS |
|
Rupert Murdoch to Buy Harlequin
To lure women back to the GOP. |
|
Business Travelers Prefer
To Eat at McDonald's
Submit receipt for Four Seasons. |
|
 Tech Bubble
Worries Investors
Especially those still using Netscape
Navigator. |
|
|
| SCIENCE |
|
Researchers Successfully Clone
Adult Stem Cells
Breakthrough promises immortality, collapse
of Social Security. |
|
Controversial Study: Wide-Hipped
Women Have More Sex Partners
Lead researcher has been searching his entire
life for way to get on TV talk shows. |
| |
 Chance of City-Killing
Asteroid Striking Earth Higher Than Previously
Believed
Public urged to move to rural, uninhabited areas. |
|
|
| |
| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
New Nutrition Labels Proposed
By FDA
They'll highlight calories, sugar content
and new category, trendiness. |
|
New Pill Could Give Adults
Perfect Pitch
Occasional side effects: blackouts, blindness,
impotence, hair loss, tooth loss, heart cancer,
spontaneous human combustion. |
|
